[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Friday, October 20th, 2000|
|so very tired
Oh my GOD I have never been so drained in my life. It's a content kind of sleepiness though so I guess that's at least something. I've been working 20 hours a week, I'm in the school musical, I work on the school paper and I have 8 classes and I play in 7 bands too, so I am only in my house to eat and sleep and occasionally talk to my parents. Man....I love everything that I'm involved in but it's seriously wearin' me out. I haven't had more than 5 hours of sleep at night for the last 3 weeks, and I'm really starting to feel it. I can sleep in on sunday until noon, and what a glorious feeling that will be! By some miraculous event I'm actually getting a 4.0 this quarter without having studied a bit or doing an ounce of homework at home (aside from the standard research papers and projects and all that fun stuff); hopefully I can keep it up and show my parents that I really can handle everything cuz they've been "worried about me not eating right and sleeping". We'll see.
Homecoming was a BLAST! It was last week. I'm still single but having my share of fun with the boys, when I can actually go out that is. I have a couple guys in mind that I really wouldn't mind dating, so we'll see how it turns out (hopefully well). Anyways I am going to go pass out in bed now. Current Mood: accomplished
|Monday, September 11th, 2000|
Oh my God! Well, in a way this kinda makes sense, because every time something cool happens something really messed up happens in turn. My store got robbed at gunpoint about 5 minutes after I left on Staurday night! I am so never EVER going to let them schedule me to close! Ahhh! It's so freaky, because my momma was telling me how she didn't even want to let me work until 11 because she was afraid that if someone were going rob they'd do it late, and I laughed at her (we live in a really rich, snotty community and I honestly never thought this kinda stuff happened here). Then it happened, that very same day. Talk about mother's intuition! OH my GOD! SO now I'm sitting at home waiting for a detective to come ask me some questions, even though I honestly don't remember anything out of the ordinary.....oooooh, I am so freaked out right now. Current Mood: shocked
|Saturday, September 9th, 2000|
Wow, was today long. I worked at the salon from 8-4 and then at Blockbuster from 6-11. In between I went to a music store to pick up my theory book and then to the bookstore and picked up two books (forgive the redundancy) that I've been meaning to read for awhile: Portrait of the Artist as a Young man (James Joyce) and A Bit of the Dharma (Jack Kerouac). I'm looking forward to them both. Also I took home my first five FREE rentals for the week from BB, so I'm itchin' to start watching those after I'm done writing this. I've never worked this long before, but it really wasn't that bad. I'm not nearly as drained at I thought I'd be, but I'm not really up for making a habit out of it. Oh, if anybody has any favorite movies they'd like to recommend that I see I'd love to hear them; I never really watched that many so I'd like to catch up on the scene. I'm gonna go get started. Later! Current Mood: peaceful
|Friday, September 8th, 2000|
|not living just killing time
Oh boy, did I ever take on a lot this year! It seems like I don't have hardly any time at all to just veg. I'm not complaining (yet) though because it's keeping me productive, but part of me is wondering if I can handle everything I'm into this year. One of the more pleasant things I'm doing is taking a music course as an independent study on theory and composition; we just got new computers and programs in our band room so I get to compose music....that is, if I figure out how to make it not suck. Hoping for the best, we'll see how it turns out. I have to read a friggin textbook full of theory crap before I even get to start on the project, so there's a lot of busy work ahead of me. Current Mood: busy
|Thursday, September 7th, 2000|
|It goes on
School again today. I didn't get much sleep last night and I've been in a pretty goofy mood all day, but overall it's been "spec-tacular"! A friend of mine that graduated last year is going to Marquette, but commuting, and he has the most gorgeous German exchange student living with him this year. Needless to say, things are looking WAY up. I met him a year ago when he was here just visiting, so at least for now I'm the only friend he has at school and goes out of his way to run into me during the day. (sigh) I just hope he has a tenacious attention span when it comes to people.
I started my new job at Blockbuster last night. It's a change from my other one (I have been working in a salon mixing haircolor and answering phones for three years) because in that job I sat down all day and now I'm always on my feet. I'm keeping the other job too, just one day a week, because there are fringe benefits like free styling for homecoming and $5 for full highlights. At least I'll be making a lot more money than I used to. YAY. Well for now that's about it....later.... Current Mood: bouncy
|Monday, September 4th, 2000|
I miss my friends, they're all in college. All of them, gone. And it is so hard to go to school without them there; something will remind me of a story or an inside joke and I will turn to speak to one of them and find there is no one there. It feels like a giant chunk of my heart is gone. I still email them and everything but it isn't the same. I know everyone has to go their own way in their own time, but that doesn't make it any easier. I've done a damn good job of fucking over my relationships with people my own age, too. God, how could I have let all of this happen? Sometimes I think I should try harder to fit in, but I hate being a Jello-mold, I couldn't handle that either. I guess I'll have more time to make myself a better, stronger person. I think it's the best way to go, I'll just spend more time with my music. Current Mood: lonely
|Thursday, August 24th, 2000|
|As I was saying....
I know there are people out there who feel a lot like I do about things, and I'd love to hear from anyone who has anything to say. HOWEVER, I don't want messages from people telling me to stop bitching, as I have observed in several journals in this fine state of Wisconsin. I'm just looking for some real friends, that's about all. Current Mood: crushed
|I wish I'd never seen your face.....
Enough of my friends had one of these I thought I'd give it a shot. And since it's posted on the internet, one can only hope that others will read and respond. I've had a very very very rough day to add to the week. I'm finding out more and more every day that people are almost never who or what they appear to be, and I'm wishing that I could live without them...well, some of them anyway. If there is one trait in a person that I admire most of all it is honesty, and of all of my friends I think I only have 2 or 3 semi-casual acquaintances that have never lied to me or set me up for a huge fall. And that sucks, to say the least. I just can't seem to find anyone that really cares about more than themselves. It's been awhile since I've been in a meaningful, healthy relationship, too. I'm in love with the idea of being in love, therefor I take every opportunity that comes along, even if I can see that it will eventually be a destructive situation. I hate being alone. I think my subconscious conjures up some of the feelings I think I have for some guys, then I always get burned. I've done the sex-based relationships--BIG mistake. Talk about getting walked all over! Jesus! That I'll never do again.
There's nothing to do, but so much to do, you know? I'm overwhelmed with loads of work and everything, but the majority of my day consists of eating, sleeping, and watching movies I have seen at least 6 times.
Basically, I could use some advice. How do I bust out of this fucking rut?